Bertie Fitzfooletop, King of Romance,
Had but one passion – and that was to dance;
Some say his brain was so heavy withal
He had to keep bounding to stand up at all!
I met young Bertie one night at the Club
Bounding about like an India-rubber ball!

I said: “Bertie, boy, why do you bound?
What have you found wrong with the ground?
You should stop at the sixpenny hop,
We’re not playing rounders!”
He said “Old chappie if I were bound,
I’ll be bound I should still have to bound
(la ti tiddley i ti too)
For I’m one of the bounders!”

Bertie one day in his wonderful brain
Hatch’d up a scheme for an aeroplane:
Took little Susie aloft for a ride,
Started proposing, forgetting to guide!
She said: “How sudden!” as downward they flew;
Sue was near Bertie and Bertie near Suicide
(Oh, look at ’em!)

I said: “Bertie, boy, why do you bound?
What have you found wrong with the ground?
Mind your socks when you get on the rocks,
You’re no sev’nteen pounder!”
He said: “Old chappie, I’m homeward bound:
One more bound, and I’ll bound where I’m bound
(la ti tiddley i ti too)
For I’m one of the bounders!”

Bertie met Gertie one day at the Rink,
Rounding a corner, she tipped him a wink,
Tipped into Bertie who gave a few pulls
Tipped over backwards against all the rules.
Over they went with their heels in the air –
People cried “Shame!” and “My word! What a pair – of fools!”
(ah)

I said: “Bertie, boy, why do you bound?
What have you found wrong with the ground?
You don’t appeal as a catherine wheel
Among the flappers and flounders!”
He said: “Old chappie, if I’m unbound,
You may be bound, I shall have it rebound
(la ti tiddley i ti too)
For I’m one of the bounders!”