10

When we come up to the courthouse, I look at the clock. It’s got quarter to twelve. Mean we got another hour and a quarter to be out here in the cold. We go and stand ’side a building. Something hits my cap and I look up at the sky. Sleet’s falling.

I look at Mama standing there. I want stand close ’side her, but she don’t like that. She say that’s crybaby stuff. She say you got to stand for yourself, by yourself.

“Let’s go back to that office,” she says.

We cross the street. When we get to the dentist office I try to open the door, but I can’t. I twist and twist, but I can’t. Mama pushes me to the side and she twist the knob, but she can’t open the door, either. She turns ’way from the door. I look at her, but I don’t move and I don’t say nothing. I done seen her like this before and I’m scared of her.

“You hungry?” she says. She says it like she’s mad at me, like I’m the cause of everything.

“No, ma’am,” I say.

“You want eat and walk back, or you rather don’t eat and ride?”

“I ain’t hungry,” I say.

I ain’t just hungry, but I’m cold, too. I’m so hungry and cold I want to cry. And look like I’m getting colder and colder. My feet done got numb. I try to work my toes, but I don’t even feel them. Look like I’m go’n die. Look like I’m go’n stand right here and freeze to death. I think ’bout home. I think ’bout Val and Auntie and Ty and Louis and Walker. It’s ’bout twelve o’clock and I know they eating dinner now. I can hear Ty making jokes. He done forgot ’bout getting up early this morning and right now he’s probably making jokes. Always trying to make somebody laugh. I wish I was right there listening to him. Give anything in the world if I was home round the fire.

“Come on,” Mama says.

We start walking again. My feet so numb I can’t hardly feel them. We turn the corner and go on back up the street. The clock on the courthouse starts hitting for twelve.

The sleet’s coming down plenty now. They hit the pave and bounce like rice. Oh, Lord; oh, Lord, I pray. Don’t let me die, don’t let me die, don’t let me die, Lord.