August 5, 1944
Dear Diary,
     Today I walked past that place, the one that was in the newspaper, the one all the kids have been talking about. Gosh, is it ugly! A line of rickety wooden buildings just like in the army. And a fence lots higher than my head. With barbed wire on top. How can anyone—even a refugee—live there?
     I took two candy bars along, just like everyone said I should. When I held them up, all those kids just swarmed over to the fence, grabbing. Like in a zoo. Except for this one girl, with two dark braids and bangs nearly covering her eyes. She was just standing to one side, staring at me. It was so creepy. After a minute I looked away. When I looked back, she was gone. I mean gone. Disappeared as if she’d never been.
Suzy

August 5, 1944
My dear Mutti,
     I have but a single piece of paper to write on. And a broken pencil. But I will write small so I can tell all. I address it to you, Mutti, though you are gone from me forever. I write in English, to learn better, because I want to make myself be understood.
     Today another girl came. With more sweets. A girl with yellow hair and a false smile. Yonni and Zipporah and Ruth, my friends, all grabbed for the sweets. Like wild animals. Like . . . like prisoners. But we are not wild animals. And we are no longer prisoners. Even though we are still penned in.
     I stared at the yellow-haired girl until she was forced to look down. Then I walked away. When I turned to look back, she was gone. Disappeared. As if she had never been.
Leah

September 2, 1944
Dear Diary,
     I brought the refugee kids oranges today. Can you believe it—they didn’t know you’re supposed to peel oranges first. One boy tried to eat one like an apple. He made an awful face, but then he ate it anyway. I showed them how to peel oranges with the second one. After I stopped laughing.
     Mom says they are going to be coming to school. Of course they’ll have to be cleaned up first. Ugh. My hand still feels itchy from where one little boy grabbed it in his. I wonder if he had bugs.
Suzy

September 2, 1944
My dear Mutti,
     Today we got cereal in a box. At first I did not know what it was. Before the war we ate such lovely porridge with milk straight from our cows. And eggs fresh from the hen’s nest, though you know how I hated that nasty old chicken. How often she pecked me! In the German camp, it was potato soup—with onions when we were lucky, without either onion or potato when we were not. And after, when I was running from the Nazis, it was stale brown bread, if we could find any. But cereal in a box—that is something.
     I will not take a sweet from that yellow-haired girl, though. She laughed at Yonni. I will not take another orange fruit.
Leah

September 5, 1944
Dear Diary,
     So how are those refugee kids going to learn? Our teachers teach in English. This is America, after all.
     I wouldn’t want to be one of them. Imagine going to school and not being able to speak English or understand anything that’s going on. I can’t imagine anything worse.
Suzy

September 5, 1944
My dear Mutti,
     The adults of the Americans say we are safe now. And so we must go to their school. But I say no place is safe for us. Did not the Germans say that we were safe in their camps? And there you and baby Natan were killed.
     And how could we learn in this American school anyway? I have a little English. But Ruth and Zipporah and the others, though they speak Yiddish and Russian and German, they have no English at all. None beyond thank you and please and more sweets. And then there is little Avi. How could he go to this school? He will speak nothing at all. He stopped speaking, they say, when he was hidden away in a cupboard by his grandmother who was taken by the Nazis after she swore there was no child in the house. And he was almost three days in that cupboard without food, without water, without words to comfort him. Is English a safer language than German?
     There is barbed wire still between us and the world.
Leah

September 14, 1944
Dear Diary,
     At least the refugee kids are wearing better clothes now. And they all have shoes. Some of them still had those stripy pajamas on when they arrived in America.
     The girls all wore dresses to their first day at school, though. They even had hair bows, gifts from the teachers. Of course I recognized my old blue pinafore. The girl with the dark braids had it on, and Mom hadn’t even told me she was giving it away. I wouldn’t have minded so much if she had only asked. It doesn’t fit me anymore, anyway.
     The girl in my old pinafore was the only one without a name tag, so all day long no one knew her name.
Suzy

September 14, 1944
My dear Mutti,
     I put on the blue dress for our first day. It fit me well. The color reminded me of your eyes and the blue skies over our farm before the smoke from the burning darkened it. Zipporah braided my hair, but I had no mirror until we got to the school and they showed us the toilets. They call it a bathroom, but there is no bath in it at all, which is strange. I have never been in a school with boys before.
     They have placed us all in low grades. Because of our English. I do not care. This way I do not have to see the girl with the yellow hair who smiles so falsely at me.
     But they made us wear tags with our names printed on them. That made me afraid. What next? Yellow stars? I tore mine off and threw it behind a bush before we went in.
Leah

September 16, 1944
Dear Diary,
     Mr. Forest has assigned each of us to a refugee to help them with their English. He gave me the girl with the dark braids, the one without the name tag, the one in my pinafore. Gee, she’s as prickly as a porcupine. I asked if I could have a different kid. He said I was the best English student and she already spoke the best English. He wants her to learn as fast as possible so she can help the others. As if she would, Miss Porcupine.
     Her name is Leah. I wish she would wear another dress.
Suzy

September 16, 1944
My dear Mutti,
     Now I have a real notebook and a pen. I am writing to you at school now. I cannot take the notebook back to the shelter. Someone there will surely borrow it. I will instead keep it here. In the little cupboard each one of us has been given.
     I wish I had another dress. I wish I had a different student helping me and not the yellow-haired girl.
Leah

September 20, 1944
Dear Diary,
     Can’t she ever smile, that Leah? I’ve brought her candy bars and apples from home. I tried to give her a handkerchief with a yellow flower on it. She wouldn’t take any of them.
     Her whole name is Leah Shoshana Hershkowitz. At least, that’s the way she writes it. When she says it, it sounds all different, low and growly. I laughed when I tried to say it, but she wouldn’t laugh with me. What a grouch.
     And yesterday, when I took her English paper to correct it, she shrank back against her chair as if I was going to hit her or something. Honestly!
     Mom says I should invite her home for dinner soon. We’ll have to get her a special pass for that. But I don’t know if I want her to come. It’s not like she’s any fun at all. I wish Mr. Forest would let me trade.
Suzy

September 20, 1944
My dear Mutti,
     The girl with the yellow hair is called Suzy Ann McCarthy. It is a silly name. It means nothing. I asked her who she was named for, and she said, “For a book my mom liked.” A book! I am named after my great-grandmother on my mother’s side, who was an important woman in our village. I am proud to carry on her name.
     This Suzy brings many sweets. But I must call them candies now. And a handkerchief. She expects me to be grateful. But how can I be grateful? She treats me like a pet, a pet she does not really like or trust. She wants to feed me like an animal behind bars.
     If I write all this down, I will not hold so much anger. I have much anger. And terror besides. Terror. It is a new word for me, but an old feeling. One day soon this Suzy and her people will stop being nice to us. They will remember we are not just refugees but Jews, and they will turn on us. Just as the Germans did. Of this I am sure.
Leah

September 30, 1944
Dear Diary,
     Leah’s English is very good now. But she still never smiles. Especially she never smiles at me. It’s like she has a permanent frown and permanent frown lines between her eyes. It makes her look much older than anyone in our class. Like a little old lady.
     I wonder if she eats enough. She won’t take the candy bars. And she saves the school lunch in her napkin, hiding it away in her pocket. She thinks no one sees her do it, but I do. Does she eat it later? I’m sure they get dinner at the shelter. Mom says they do. Mom also says we have to eat everything on our plates. Sometimes when we’re having dinner I think of Leah Shoshana Hershkowitz.
Suzy

September 30, 1944
My dear Mutti,
     Avi loves the food I bring home from school. What does he know? It is not even kosher. Sometimes they serve ham. But I do not tell Avi. He needs all the food he can get. He is a growing boy.
     I, too, am growing fast. Soon I will not fit into the blue dress. I have no other.
Leah

October 9, 1944
Dear Diary,
     They skipped Leah up to our grade, her English has gotten so good. Except for some words, like victory, which she pronounces “wick-toe-ree.” I try not to laugh, but sometimes I just can’t help it!
     Leah knows a lot about the world and nothing about America. She thinks New York is right next to Chicago, for goodness sakes! She can’t dance at all. She doesn’t know the words to any of the top songs. And she’s so stuck up, she only talks in class to answer questions. The other refugees aren’t like that at all. Why is it only my refugee who’s so mean?
Suzy

October 9, 1944
My dear Mutti,
     I think of you all the time. I went to Suzy’s house because Mr. Forest said they had gone to a great deal of trouble to get a pass for me. I did not want to go so much, my stomach hurt the whole time I was there.
     Suzy’s Mutti was nice, all pink and gold. She wore a dress with pink roses all over it and it reminded me of your dress, the blue one with the asters. You were wearing it when we were put on the train. And the last time I saw you at the camp with Natan. Oh, Mutti. I had to steel my heart against Suzy’s mother. If I love her, I will forget you. And that I must never do.
     I brought back food from her house, though, for Avi. I could not eat it myself. You would like the way Avi grows bigger and stronger. And he talks now, but only to me. He says, “More, Leah, please.” And he says “light” for the sun. Sometimes when I am really lonely I call him Natan, but only at night after he has fallen asleep.
Leah

October 10, 1944
Dear Diary,
     Leah was not in school today. When I asked her friend Zipporah, she shrugged. “She is ill in her stomach,” she said. “What did she eat at your house?”
     I didn’t answer “Nothing,” though that would have been true. She hid it all in a handkerchief Mom gave her. Mom said, “She eats like a bird. How does she stay alive?”
Suzy

October 11, 1944
Dear Diary,
     They’ve asked me to gather Leah’s things from school and bring them to the hospital. She had to have her appendix out and nearly died. She almost didn’t tell them she was sick until too late. Why did she do that? I would have been screaming my head off with the pain.
     Mom says we have to visit, that I’m Leah’s American best friend. Hah! We’re going to bring several of my old dresses, but not my green one with the white trim. I don’t want her to have it. Even if it doesn’t fit me anymore.
Suzy

October 12, 1944
Dear Diary,
     I did a terrible thing. I read Leah’s diary. I’d kill anyone who did that to me!
     At first it made no sense. Who were Mutti and Natan, and why were they killed? What were the yellow stars? What does kosher mean? And the way she talked about me made me furious. Who did she think she was, little Miss Porcupine? All I did was bring candy and fruit and try to make those poor refugee kids feel at home.
     Then, when I asked Mom some questions, carefully, so she wouldn’t guess I had read Leah’s diary, she explained. She said the Nazis killed people, mothers and children as well as men. In places called concentration camps. And that all the Jews—people who weren’t Christians like us—had to wear yellow stars on their clothes so they could be spotted blocks and blocks away. It was so awful I could hardly believe it, but Mom said it was true.
     How was I supposed to know all that? How can Leah stand any of us? How could she live with all that pain?
Suzy

October 12, 1944
My dear Mutti,
     Suzy and her mother came to see me in the hospital. They brought me my notebook so now I can write again.
     I was so frightened about being sick. I did not tell anyone for a long time, even though it hurt so much. In the German camp, if you were sick and could not do your work, they did not let you live.
     But in the middle of the night, I had so much fever, a doctor was sent for. Little Avi found me. He ran to one of the guards. He spoke out loud for the first time. He said, “Please, for Leah. Do not let her go into the dark.”
     The doctor tells me I nearly died, but they saved me. They have given me much medicines and soon I will eat the food and they will be sure it is kosher, too. And I am alive. This I can hardly believe. Alive!
     Then Suzy came with her Mutti, saying, “I am sorry. I am so sorry. I did not know. I did not understand.” Suzy did a bad thing. She read my notebook. But it helped her understand. And then, instead of making an apology, she did a strange thing. She took a red book with a lock out of her pocket and gave it to me. “Read this,” she said. “And when you are out of the hospital, I have a green dress with white trim I want you to have. It will be just perfect with your eyes.”
     I do not know what this trim may be. But I like the idea of a green dress. And I have a new word now, as well. It is this: diary.
     A new word. A new land. And—it is just possible—a new friend.
Leah